So, last Friday I had a half day at work. I came home to find my back door kicked in. Some low life pieces of shit broke into my house and stole a bunch of my things. I had a gun safe that was not mounted to the concrete floor. That makes it more of a handy carrying case for all my valuables rather than a protective device, so shame on me for that. Now every time I think about it I get really angry. I'm not a bad person, nor am I wealthy, why was my house picked on? Why did I have to spend 13 hours repairing doors and then have to pay to put an alarm in. The answer is because there are bad guys out there. Real life bad guys that prey on others. We can't stop them from breaking into our homes when we are off trying to make an honest living. The fact that they don't have regular jobs actually makes their line of work easier because my entire street was empty when it happened.
This was all made a little more tolerable in a dream I had. Tyler Durden came to me, much like Elvis did in the movie "true Romance" every time Christian Slater took a piss. Except instead of appearing to me only when I had my dick in my hand it was much less gay because he just walked up to me and said. "When a bear lives in a cave and a fox comes in and steals his food, the bear cleans out the fox shit and goes on living in the cave as if nothing was taken". That gave me some peace of mind. I realize my house did not change because strangers were rummaging through my belongings, only the way I feel about it changed. That being said, if I ever catch you fuckers, I will put a hurting on you that you will not walk away from.
So here are some tips I learned from my break-in experience:
1. Do not fail to secure your gun safe to something permanent.
2. Store absolutely no valuable belongings in your top drawer or on the shelf of your closet. Apparently those are the first places they check.
3. Do not store valuables in your hamper....strangely that was gone through as well. How does my shitty underwear smell you bitches?
4. If you feel like you should change your door to a stronger one...do so. It will be cheaper in the long run.
5. Do not go into the house that has obviously been broken into with nothing but your pocket knife and your dick in your hand. You could be shot with your own gun....yeah, I messed this one up pretty good.
That is pretty much it. None of the above, nor dogs, alarms or booby traps will keep all thieves out, they are just deterrents. So the absolute best practice is just....Don't own anything nice.
"The things you own, end up owning you"- Tyler Durden
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